1. Having to “relearn” lessons and disciplines that I have already Mastered Learned:
Like I mentioned in my last post, recently I have been feeling unreal amounts of stress and feeling hurried in everything that I do. The feeling that if I take on one more thing I might not survive.
Instead of managing my time it has been managing me. I thought this was an issue of 2007, a lesson previously learned, a level in a video game when I’d already beaten the boss…not true.
I’m taking 6 classes, I’m in 3 Bible studies, I have my teaching practicum Monday mornings along with Monday night campaigners at Stonewall, Wednesday night club, Thursday and Friday mornings are dedicated to discipling two Stonewall senior guys and Friday night leadership for YL…this still doesn’t mention spending time with my family or house mates.
--Needless to say…my life is ridiculous and I am not being a good steward of my time.
My 2nd issue with Jesus:
His attitude towards my Pride.
He’s declared war against it and I am not happy about this. This week God has been on a murderous rampage, chasing down and destroying my pride. In my head I am 1000x cooler than pretty much anyone I know, I’m really wise and people are lucky to be my friend, I am worth following/imitating/impressing…the truth is that I am a self-centered, self-exalting sinner who must repent.
Two examples of fatal blows to my pride:
1. Shenandoah County Young Life had the opportunity to make a version of the Chattanooga Young Life video “Friday Night Lights” (Watch it here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gNAa01QO0DM)
This is an awesome opportunity for our area to show the community our commitment to Christ and the community…the problem was that Stonewall had club the same time as the video and we couldn’t be in it.
--How dare they? How dare God? Doesn’t he know how lucky Shenandoah County is to have me leading YL there?
2. At Stonewalls Young Life Club; Megan McEacharn, who is my YL teammate was sick but was scheduled to give the talk. When she realized she wasn’t going to be able to present the talk she handed her notes over to my male teammate Kendall, not me.
--I wanted so hard to support the decision but I kept rolling over and over in my head about how much I wanted to give the talk and how great of a job I would have done giving it.
In all of this war being waged against my wicked heart I caught the still, small whisper of my Lord…
“Jeremy, do you realize how much I love you? Do you know I don’t love you because of anything you do? I love you for who you are, who I made you to be. I love you even when you think ‘how lucky I am to have you’. I have called you to be at this point in your life, every opportunity I have ordained for your life is for one thing…my glory. Remember what have done.”
Romans 12:3 says “Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.”
Me responding in being pissed really only exposes how much I still don’t understand God or his grace.
Praise him who doesn’t treat us as we deserve.
3 comments:
Sounds like you're being a great steward with your time, discipling dudes and taking care of YL stuff at Stonewall.
You're doing great things, Shep.
I hope you keep living like you know you're already doing great things.
Just what I needed to hear right now.
tell me about it. Too often are my thoughts "people should be so blessed by me because I am so loving and giving and blah blah pride pride pride" Then it is an even worse blow when I mess up or fail, I need to just rest in HIS unceasing love and favor for me regardless of what I do. Just like you said.
Amen brother
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